How does a fake empire express its love on a day like today? Why it initiates an offensive against the Taliban, of course, those dastardly opponents of women’s rights and—so much worse—lovers of Al-Qaeda. We have to say, we’re skeptical that President Barack Obama and his generals are all that interested in doing away completely with the Taliban. More likely, they simply want to push them out to the countryside, where they will leave them in peace to grow their poppies, shroud their ladies, and just generally do evil in the privacy of their own homes.

Still, if the Administration wants to continue escalating our War on Terror, they may at least want to consider getting more serious about repealing the military’s ban on openly gay soldiers. One would think they need all the able, willing bodies they can get for their volunteer army. And yet there are already signs that Mr. Obama’s proclaimed support, during his recent State of the Union address, for repealing that policy, wasn’t terribly heartfelt. It is our opinion, to paraphrase reformed homophobe Adam Sandler, that it is every American’s god-given right to put whatever he or she wants up his or her own ass. Does Mr. Obama, in prosecuting his war, really want to be on the wrong side of history from Mr. Sandler?